As much I hate paying for streaming services when I have most anything I want to watch on disc, one benefit around the holidays are the curated lists. Just want to watch some classic Christmas TV episodes? They’ve got them all sorted out for you. The other night I scrolled through the holiday collection on Paramount+ and saw a suggestion for an episode of The Twilight Zone that, while not usually considered a Christmas episode, qualifies.

And I’d never seen it before.

“The Changing of the Guard” stars an unrecognizable Donald Pleasence as Prof. Ellias Fowler, a stern instructor at a school for boys. His focus, English literature. In the classroom he’s sarcastic and belittles the boys in a way that wouldn’t fly nowadays. But behind closed doors, he expresses real affection for the young lads, and though he’s been at the institution for 51 years, he hopes to keep teaching for another 51. His hopes are shattered when he realizes, just before the Christmas break, that’s he’s being forced into retirement.

Merry Christmas indeed.

Distraught, he questions what, if any, good he’s done. Over the many years, some of his graduates went on to die in war. “I gave them nothing,” he tells his housekeeper. “Now, where do you suppose I ever got the idea that I was accomplishing anything?” After dismissing her for the evening and promising to lay down for nap, but instead he walks out into the snowy night with his gun. His intentions are clear.

But The Twilight Zone has other plans.

Standing before a statue on campus, the symbol of all his purpose in life, Fowler prepares to do the unthinkable. And then the bells begin to chime. Confused, he goes inside, to his classroom, to see what is going on. There he’s met by the ghosts of his former students, young men who had the courage to sacrifice themselves. Some died in battle, others in the pursuit of live-saving science. One by one they share the virtues he instilled in them in the classroom.

Fowler accomplished much.

It’s worth noting that it wasn’t Fowler’s own words or opinions that made the difference. All he did was share with them the wisdom of the ages, the words of great poets written to inspire, and explained what they meant. Today, when vices are held up as virtues and strength (masculine, heroic strength) is called toxic, one wonders if there are any teachers like him left. And without them, what will become of the young men who go out into the world?

We all have the capacity to inspire.

Christmas is the most inspirational time of year, when we celebrate God coming to earth to offer us salvation and to follow in His footsteps doing good works, which He prepared for us beforehand. We don’t have to stand in front of a classroom to make a difference. All we need to do to accomplish something is, like Fowler, share the truth.

I find it interesting that while A Christmas Story is often criticized for having no plot, National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation is not. After watching both movies yesterday, I’m not sure how one could argue that one has more of a plot than the other. While I will resist arguing that one movie is superior, I have my preference, which will probably become apparent as we go. 

Please don’t shoot my eye out.

A Christmas Story and Christmas Vacation were released just six years apart (1983 and 1986, respectively) yet because of the setting they feel as though they’re from totally different eras. The first is set in 1940, with its radio shows, Ovaltine, and coal furnaces. FDR was still president, and the memory of The Great Depression loomed large. Christmas Vacation, of course, takes place in its present day of the Reagan economic boom, with yuppies, CD players, overconsumption, and corporate culture.

“Whatever you got last year add… 20%”

While the theme of both films is the same, family dynamics at Christmastime, the protagonists are different. Ralphie is a kid, trying to navigate in an adult world so that he can get what he wants. He knows he can’t buy himself that Red Ryder BB gun, so he needs to persuade his parents, teacher, and Santa himself, to recognize the validity of his logical argument. But at every turn it’s thrown back in his face that he’s not yet ready for the world of grownups. He can’t even help his old man change a flat tire without messing up.

“Oh fuuuuudddgeee!” 

Conversely, Clark Griswold is an adult who acts like a child, and wants to reexperience childlike holiday wonder. On an intellectual level, he knows the real spirit of Christmas is being with family. But he craves the perfect experience and believes that can be facilitated through a brightly lit house, the best Christmas tree, and the promise of a gift he can’t afford. For all his desire to slip back into childhood (and his natural childishness), he’s still an adult with money troubles and the expectation that the adults around him act like adults.

“Worse! How could things get any worse? Take a look around here, Ellen. We’re at the threshold of hell.”

We’ve all been in Ralphie’s boots. Maybe we still are. And to some degree, any adult can relate to Clark’s plight. That’s perhaps part of the reason why their stories have become annual favorites for many. Like most comedies, they’re a series of moments with just the faintest hint of a throughline that leads to a climax of catharsis. Christmas Vacation is more absurd, and that won’t be to everyone’s taste, but maybe it needs that for cross-generational appeal. Ultimately, Ralphie’s story is the more mature.

“Oh, life is like that. Sometimes, at the height of our revelries, when our joy is at is zenith, when all is most right with the world, the most unthinkable disasters descend upon us.”

When I first encountered A Christmas Story as a kid, I found it distasteful and it was a long time before I could bring myself to give it a second chance. Now I see it as wonderful means of recapturing the innocence of youth, balanced with the hard earned wisdom of life. There’s little wisdom to be gleaned from Christmas Vacation, and that’s fine. Sometimes you just want to see Chevy Chase smacked in the face and chuckle at some unfiltered profanity.

“You shouldn’t use that word.”

Now that Noir-vember is over, it’s time to start thinking about Christmas movies. While I’m rather notorious for watching Hallmark movies every weekend, none of them can hold a candle to the classics. Over the years, I’ve fallen in love with a handful that have been forgotten and add sprinkle them in with the movies everyone knows. Here’s a list (with Amazon affiliate links) of Christmas movies I prioritize every December.

Christmas in Connecticut

If, like me, you were first introduced to Barbara Stanwyk through reruns of The Big Valley, seeing her as a flustered young woman is a bit of a shock. Here she plays a proto-Martha Stewart who can’t actually cook. But she can write about homemaking like a trad-wife queen. Eventually, the whole sham starts falling apart. Just in time for Christmas.

Holiday Affair

I might be biased toward this story of a lonely, old bachelor who falls in love with a most gorgeous Janet Leigh and into a ready-made family. Hopefully I don’t look quite as hangdog as Robert Mitchum, and I know I’m not as good looking, but a guy can dream. The love story will keep you guessing, and Harry Morgan has a great bit part that’s not to be missed.

The Shop around the Corner

Admittedly, it took me a couple of tries to connect with this early Jimmy Stewart screwball comedy. The story takes place in some imaginary city in an imaginary country, and I found that off-putting. However, the story is so good (if surprisingly dark at one point) that on a second viewing it got me. If you’ve ever fallen in love with a penpal, this is a movie for you.

The Thin Man

Maybe it’s no more of a Christmas movie than Die Hard, but Nick and Nora’s debut does take place before and after December 25th, and there’s a party, so I say it counts and watch it every year. I’ve seen it so many times now, in fact, that I have parts of it memorized (and if anyone is looking for the perfect gift for me, I don’t have the new Blu-ray box set yet).

A Charlie Brown Christmas

You don’t need me to tell you about this one. But if you don’t have it on physical media, what are you waiting for? The 4k looks great and if it ever gets cancelled you’ll be glad that you can hear Linus recite Luke 2 whenever you want.

It’s A Wonderful Life

Speaking of great looking discs, the 4k UHD of It’s A Wonderful Life is one of the best I’ve ever seen. Don’t let the fact that it’s in black and white fool you. I understand people who struggle with this movie, story-wise, as it’s got a difficult and unusual structure. But if you focus on George Bailey’s journey, as a man who sacrifices his every desire for family and realizes it was worth it all in the end, it can’t help but warm your heart.