This last weekend my mom was quite sick. As her only caregiver, there wasn’t much else I could do but sit nearby and watch movies while she slept. Maybe I could’ve read a book or written one, I admit. But frankly, I just wasn’t in the mood. As with anything that I really enjoy, if I’m away from it for too long I get hungry in my spirit for that thing.
And I was hungry for movies.
So it seemed like as good a time as any to catch up on a few of this year’s releases that interested me, and it’s a pretty short list. I still didn’t get to all of them. However, given how lackluster what I did watch was, I don’t have much hope for the others. Everything I saw had potential, and with a few, obvious, adjustments could have been far better. If there’s any value in watching weak movies, it’s the opportunity to learn from their mistakes so that I don’t miss any opportunities in my work.
Again, the movies coming out right now have some good ideas and are lacking because of missed opportunities.
There will be spoilers.
Ghostbusters: Frozen Empire
As soon as I started Frozen Empire I realized that all I remembered about Ghostbusters: Afterlife was that I kinda liked it. As it went on, I remembered that one reason came from the fact that there’s a character named Trevor who has a know-it-all little sister. Finally, some representation! But since poor Trevor is hardly in this movie, and I felt no connection to anyone, really, the story just fell flat. The longer the movie went along, the more I wished I was just watching the original 1984 movie.
The missed opportunities
One of the biggest criticisms against Frozen Empire is that flirts with a lesbian romance and never commits. Now, I don’t need or want that in my family film anyway. But if they’d kept things traditional and had poor Trevor fall for the ghost who needs a human to provide the big twist, they could have had a real romantic subplot without worrying about offending half the country and much of the world. Another problem is that the OG Ghostbusters don’t get to do much. Actually, the people who save the day are new characters we barely get to know. A moment of self-sacrifice for our original trio was even foreshadowed!
Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire
As with Frozen Empire, my recollection of the previous installment in this franchise was foggy. Apparently we aren’t doing memorable characters anymore. The only actor who seems to know what kind of movie he’s in and having any fun is Dan Stevens as a vet to the monsters. I’d watch a whole TV series if it starred his character and was designed in a Crocodile Hunter style. I will say, I laughed more at this movie than I did Frozen Empire, just because Kong uses Baby Kong as a club in a fight.
The missed opportunities
None of the characters have arcs. They go from Point A, to B, to C, without ever growing or changing. What if Stevens’ and Hall’s characters had hated each other and gradually fallen in love? Everyone in the movie (except Godzilla) emotes, but none of them actually seems to feel. Consequently, I felt nothing. The monster fights are pretty cool, though. No missed opportunities there.
The Beekeeper
No surprise, this was the best movie I watched all weekend. Jason Statham’s quasi-political thriller with a John Wick plot is a blast. Plus, it’s not bogged down by being a sequel. Sure it’s about as thought-provoking as an 80’s action movie, even with a Hunter Biden analog accidentally taking down the military industrial complex. But that’s a feature, not a bug. We’re here for the violence, and The Beekeeper delivers in spades.
The missed opportunities
These aren’t so much complaints as observations. If this movie had been made in the 80’s there would’ve been a sex scene. If were from the 90’s there’d be a trip to a strip club. And at least in the 00’s the female FBI agent chasing our hero would’ve been a hot latina and not a thicc black woman. But apparently we’ve moved beyond such tawdry things.
The Heiress and the Handyman
Yes, I did follow up my brutal action movie with a Hallmark romance. Variety is the apple-spice of life, as it were. Can’t lie, I had hopes for this one. Like every guy my age, I’ve always had a little crush on Jodie Sweetin, and Hallmark movies tend to hit more than they miss. This one? This one’s a miss. Our heiress is nice, if comically incompetent. Actually, she’s too incompetent and, though Sweetin gives it her all, I don’t buy that she’s that dumb any more than I buy her hair isn’t a wig. She and the “handyman” get along from the get-go, which means the movie doesn’t even deliver on its premise of mistaken identities. But we do get this gem of a line, “I run the organic farm next door with my sister.”
The missed opportunities
Where to begin? First, they should have played the mistaken identity thing out longer. If the dude had let her think he really was her new estate’s handyman for more than two seconds we would’ve gotten some awkward hijinks and humor. Then they could’ve had fallen in love, fallen out of love, and gotten back together. There’s also no stakes. If the organic farm was struggling and our heiress was frustrated because she’d just lost her fortune, something more than winning a pie baking contest would’ve mattered.
Final thought
I still like movies, even when they disappoint.