By now you’ve probably seen the trailer for Argylle, which appears to be another Romancing the Stone retread with spies and a cat. It looks fun, and the stars are reliably charming enough, and director Matthew Vaughn has a decent track record. So until the movie comes out this weekend, what’s there to talk about?
A conspiracy theory, of course.
Not all conspiracy theories are about secret cabals of goat blood sucking hooded figures who secretly run the world. At least, I hope this essay doesn’t arrive at that conclusion, because of course I’m writing about Taylor Swift (who is definitely not in the thrall of goat blood sucking hooded figures who secretly run the world, right?). I mean sure, she’s the most influential person in music, media, and culture right now. Her life seems to be fairly public.
But what if she has a secret?
And what the heck does that have to do with a movie she’s not in?
Apparently Argylle is based on the debut novel by one Elly Conway, a New York recluse no one has ever seen. A novel by an unknown author getting optioned for a film trilogy, TWO AND A HALF YEARS before the book comes out (Deadline reported this in July of 2021, and the book just came out January 9th) is unusual to say the least. Some might say, it’s suspicious.
I’m saying it’s suspicious.
The main character in the book and movie is also named Elly Conway, so it’s fair to assume a pseudonym is at work. Given the hurdles one must manage to get a book and then a movie deal, even if the author wants to hide his or her real name, the odds of an unknown falling into this level of success are probably equal to getting struck by lightning and a meteor at the same time while holding a winning lottery ticket.
Now, for the moment you’ve all been waiting for: Taylor Swift.
Elly Conway’s first Instagram post ever is of the book cover and she posted in when? On Taylor Swift’s birthday. Her third post, almost a year later, is of a cat in a backpack. But not just any cat in any backpack. Oh no! It’s a Scottish Fold, like T-Swift’s cat, in a bubble backpack like T-Swift uses. And you know who else has an affinity for argyle (ie: diamond prints)? You guessed it.
Screenrant has all in the info here, along with links to the Tik-Toker who does the breakdown.
The idea that Elly Conway is actually Taylor Swift became so popular that the director and stars had to address it. Or not address it. Variety reports actor Bryan Cranston said, “I can’t confirm or deny the rumors about Ms. Swift. I certainly wouldn’t put it past her…” Henry Cavill took it a step further and said, “We wanted to make sure that the mystery was maintained, because she [Conway] wants the same thing.”
But there’s a more likely explanation.
YouTuber Joe aka “The Uber Geek” endorses another theory in a video from last Friday, and I think it’s plausible. Joe speculates that the novel is entirely AI generated, citing the numerous spelling and grammatical errors (the book is published by Penguin, a major publishing house), lack of plot, thin characterization, and an obsession with current events. I doubt even Stephen King could get away with all that, writing under his own name or another.
What does director Matthew Vaughn have to say?
In the same Variety article he said, “It’s not Taylor Swift, but books do not write themselves. I wish they did. I wish screenplays wrote themselves. I wish movies directed themselves.” I have to wonder if he’s trying to get out ahead of something or flat out lying. Given the Writers Guild’s concerns about AI taking over their jobs, now is probably not the time to sell a movie as the first feature film based on a novel written by artificial intelligence.
Ultimately, it doesn’t really matter.
At some point, either now or in the near future, traditionally published novels and Hollywood produced screenplays will be largely AI generated. And it’s probably now. There’s no way I’m going to read the Argylle novel, and if the movie is good there’s no way I’ll miss it. For now, the real entertainment is watching how clumsily the world is adapting and how comically bad the powers that be are in hiding it.
No goats were harmed in the writing of this article.
