In case you haven't heard, it seems that aliens were confirmed this week. An Air Force veteran whistleblower has come out and said that we have extraterrestrial ships. It’s not getting much discussion in the mainstream news, with many commentators brushing it off as a nonevent. In the paranormal podcast space they’re saying this is the most significant event of our lifetime.
I’m, shall we say, dubious.
Days later there was a weird green light in the skies over Las Vegas and a family called the cops saying that a UFO had crashed in their backyard. And an 8ft tall creature came out. After all these years, our otherworldly observers are getting sloppy. Maybe from watching us they’ve learned the importance of diversity and inclusivity, and started letting their females pilot their ships.
I kid, I kid (or do I?).
When I was very young I was obsessed with alien lifeforms. Specifically Gordon Shumway, aka: ALF (which stands for, Alien Life Form). Little Trevor didn’t understand why such wonderful entertainment was on TV every night, if not all the time. My parents probably thanked God that TiVo and streaming libraries hadn’t been invented yet. I still have my giant ALF coloring book, by the way. Forget Sesame Street. I was all about sitcoms.
And then something terrible happened.
An old family friend loaned us a VCR for a week. In the late 80s these things were still pretty rare (now I have four in the basement, just in case). Being the media savvy little kid I was, I knew exactly what this meant. It meant that I could finally see E.T. The Extra-Terrestrial. And for whatever reason, my parents rented it and we watched it. Afterwards, my life was never the same.
Essentially, it messed me up.
I’m pretty sure I made it through the whole movie, though I only remember Elliot saying a word I’d never heard come from the TV before. Something about E.T. scarred my little psyche and for years I was terrified of seeing an alien outside my window at night. I actually started sleeping on the side of my bed furthest from the window so that I’d have a few extra seconds to escape, a habit I continued for many years. And forget about ALF, he wasn’t funny anymore.
My dad was not sympathetic.
About the same time Unsolved Mysteries premiered on NBC and it was one of his favorite shows. I was a pretty well-behaved kid and I threw tantrums when it came on. Some of the stories were okay, but as you may recall they didn’t shy away from the occasional abduction reenactment. Just the music was enough to send me into fits. I still wouldn’t go for a walk after dark with it on my headphones now.
Neither would you, so don’t laugh.
In an effort to give me some understanding, my dear old dad tried to reason with me. One night at the Christian bookstore he found a short book that explained exactly what aliens really are. Maybe if they weren’t such an unknown quantity I wouldn’t be so afraid. You know what he told me? You know what he told me. UFOs and aliens are actually demons.
This did not help.
Eventually, after years of not being abducted, I got over my fear. I saw E.T. in the theater when it was rereleased with those stupid CGI walkie-talkies (trust me, Steve, it wasn’t the guns that bothered me) and I was fine. I started to like Unsolved Mysteries and put it on myself. Unlike my peers, I never got into The X-Files, but that had more to do with it being on past my bedtime than any unaddressed anxieties. When the crazy guy at the swimming pool was convinced there were UFOs overhead, I hardly batted an eye at the airplanes.
I was good.
Or was I?
One evening in high school I had some buddies over to watch Signs with me and my dad. And when when that stupid ET crashed the Brazilian birthday party there was a fraction of a second when all those childhood fears crashed into me like a ton of bricks. Say what you will about M. Night Shyamalan, that guy has gotten more visceral reactions out of me than anyone else. But the moment passed, and I went on to enjoy the rest of the movie.
And here we are.
Turn on the news at the right time and they’re telling us things that Robert Stack would have said were too absurd. We’ll see something right out of Signs in the next year or so and told this time it’s real. I wish I could say that my whole life has been preparing me for this moment, but I can’t. At least, not that part. Do I believe in aliens from outer space? No. Do I think my dad was on the right track and believe they’re demonic? Yes.
If this is what’s coming, if it doesn’t just go the way of killer bees and holes in the ozone layer, I’m ready.
Are you?