5 Things I've Learned in 38 Years
Birthdays are usually times for celebration. But they are almost always times of reflection, whether we like it or not. As a thinker and storyteller, my whole life is spent considering my experiences and perceptions of events (my own and others), and reflecting them back to anyone who will read or listen. A birthday is just a birthday, a checkpoint on a journey, so let’s not make too much of it. Still, since we’re here, I’ll take a moment to share some thoughts.
Life Has Chapters: This is a lesson that can’t really be taught. When I was young events just seemed to come in a long stream, one after another after another. Given my life-long fear of change (my mother will tell you I even missed my due date, inconveniently arriving on a holiday weekend in an understaffed hospital), I always knew that nothing is permanent or sure. But it wasn’t until I’d gone through several chapters of life that I started to see the pattern. We can so easily get wrapped up in endings. As song says, “Every new beginning is some other beginning’s end.” The song, by the way, is about birth. The final thought of the line lands on endings. It’s poetic and true, but maybe there is not where we should place our focus. Until we enter Eternity, every new beginning is a step toward another new beginning.
The Bad Things Aren’t as Bad as You Imagine: Someone said to me recently that my family has been through a lot of suffering. To be honest, I don’t think we’ve had more than our allotment, even if we’ve received much of it in a concentrated dose. My uncle was killed by a drunk driver. Beloved grandparents have lingered long before finally passing away. Most traumatic of all was losing my dad to a heart attack in 2013, two days before Christmas. At the visitation a family friend said, “I can’t even imagine!” Seeing that she was hurting more than I was, I placed my hands on her shoulders and said, “Then please, stop trying.” When the nightmares become reality, we discover that reality makes them manageable. When something is manageable, it’s not as frightening or as painful something imaginary that we cannot grasp.
Real Changes Take Time: For good or bad, no one got to where they are overnight. If you haven’t seen me in several years, you might not recognize me now. I’ve gone from 200lbs to, well, much less than 200lbs. But people who hadn’t seen me since long before the weight gain (and a major haircut) didn’t recognize me in the midst of my overweight phase, either. How did I arrive at both places? I was very consistent in my choices. I was consistent in doing the things that were bad for my body and mind, and I’ve been consistent in doing the things that benefit my body and mind. I’m still young enough to feel stress when I don’t think progress is coming fast enough. But I’m growing wise enough to understand not everything can (or needs to) happen all at once.
These Are The Good Old Days: Spending too much time on social media can be bad for your health, but sometimes you learn things that you’ll carry with you through life. I think it was Doug TenNapel who said early in the pandemic that someday we’ll look back and say, “These are the good old days.” I’ve found that while some chapters of my life have been darker than others, and there are places to which I hope I never return, time tends to smooth away the unpleasant aspects, allowing the brighter memories to shine. Perhaps I was miserable in a certain chapter of life. Yet as the years go by, I find that when I remember of those days, it’s the things I enjoyed that first come to mind.
Life Isn’t All About What I Can Do: Everything that God has allowed into my life He has used to shape me and draw me closer to Himself, for His glory. But it’s up to me to focus on the good in the bad, and not the other way around. As I read the Bible, I see Jehovah Jireh, “The Lord will Provide.” So if it’s not about what I can do, if God is the one doing the essential doing, what’s left for me? To seek out the ways that the challenges of life can make me more like Christ, and to glorify Him in every aspect and chapter of my life. This isn’t an excuse for a lazy or passive existence. Living by faith requires action. But life isn’t about what you do and what you get for it. Living by faith is its own reward.